i hate computers right now

i have been meaning to update my blog for a while. i got one post up and typed the next one. it was nice and long and it got earased. i'm too frustrated to retype it or anything else right now. but it's just to inform everyone that i have a lot i'd like to share and will do so next time i'm not about to throw a computer out on the road to get run over by a bush taxi, goat, and maybe even a donkey. and i wanted to wish everyone a merry christmas and happy new year. cheers.

le travail du SIDA

the work we do in our communities as peace corps volunteers in togo is supposed to be defined by whatever sector we are in. be it girls' education and empowerment, health, business, or natural resource. in reality, the lines between the four are so blurred that a health volunteer could very well look more like a business volunteer, a natural resource volunteer could look more like an education volunteer, etc. in the end, a volunteer is a volunteer is a volunteer. cross sectoral work is encouraged which is great since it broadens work opportunities for everyone.

recently i feel like i've done more work in the health/AIDS realm than anything else. it started in october when i did a bike tour called AIDS ride. we started in notsé (you should look at a togo map at this point), went east to tohoun, up to akparé, then took a car to atakpamé. i believe the total distance we rode our bikes was just around 100K. the riding was not nearly as difficult as i had anticipated it to be. it was broken up by about 20 to 30K a day, with the longest leg being no longer than 16K. generally we would wake up, ride to a school or public location, do an AIDS sensibilization, ride to the next village, do another AIDS sensibilization, ride to the place we were going to sleep (either a dispensaire or school), and repeat the next day. my group mostly did the sensibilizations at schools which i really liked because we could do the whole thing in french without having to translate it. and for the most part the audience would be more engaged. about a week before this bike tour i really considered dropping out for a number of different reasons but in the end i was so happy i got to do it. it was interesting to see the level of awareness different group had in regards to HIV/AIDS and the kinds of questions we were able to answer. as far as pretty much living outside for a whole week... it turned out to be not as bad as I had thought it was going to be. i've never done much out in nature living (when i've gone camping we normally choose sites with real bathrooms, not really roughing it), but i gained a new appreciation for sleeping under the stars and showering in a shower made out of palm tree branches. i'm looking forward to doing it again next year.

i did a training back in september to start working with an HIV/AIDS organization in atakpamé called CREJe. they work with families infected or affected by HIV/AIDS and provide them with all kinds of support. every saturday they organize activities for kids 6ish to 15ish. on the second saturday of every month is called CLUB Espoir and the day is organized and run by a different pcv. we start the day around 9 with games and some kind of sport. then we go into the educatinal session (tomorrow we talk about good decision making). next we do some kind of art activity and end with lunch. it's a really good time. i love playing with the kids and we have a great team organiwing and leading all the activities. getting to work with this ngo makes me really excited to continue this kind of work in the states. not necessarily having to do with HIV/AIDS but with community youth in an urban setting.

the work i did in mpoti during the month of november revolved around an event me and alicia helped organize for world aids day. we worked with some of the red cross volunteers in her village, my village, and the village between ours to plan an all-day event to raise HIV/AIDS awareness. here was the original plan of how that whole thing was to go: we were going to start the day with parades from tchifama (alicia's village) and mpoti (my village) to tadjan. in tadjan, skits would tehn be presented by different groups from each of the three villages. we were then going to go into a mass sensibilization on HIV/AIDS, covering the defenition of HIV and AIDS, the modes of transmission, ways to prevent it, do a condom and femidom demonstration, talk about stigmatization, and end with questions from the public. after a lunch break, we were going to endthe day with a soccer game between tadjan and tchifama. sounds like a nice, simple plan, right? well, LONG story short, things didnt really go according to plan. we ended up starting late, cutting the sensibilization short, getting plenty stressed, and having the soccor game end ubruptly after only 20 miutes because of some conflicts on the field. even though the day came close to being a complete disaster at points, i'm glad we did it. it got people talking and asking questions, and even if just a handful of people change certain decisions they make, it will have been totally worth the stress. and i'm just thankful i had alicia there to tag team it with me. i'm not sure i would have survived otherwise. next year world aids day will look a little (ou bien a whole lot) different.

new pictures!

i didn't get a chance to upload as many as i would have liked but i got some up.

quick update

i haven't been doing a very good job at keeping this things updated lately and goodness knows i have a lot i'd like to share. i made a quick trip to atakpamé with a few goals and one of them was to write and post updates. well i got the first part done but with everything else i had to do i won't have the chance to type and post them now. but i just wanted to take a moment to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving and a good beginning of the holiday season. i know it can be a stressful time but my prayer is that this year people are able to draw nearer to the raison d'etre of the holidays. if that makes sense.

one thing i would like to put out there before next time though... there have been a few CEG students that have requested to be put into contact with people from the states. if anyone has an interest in doing this in some way or have an idea of ways i could set something up please let me know!

i'll do my best to do a better update in the next couple weeks and to post new pictures too. thank you all for your continued thoughts and prayers.

so it is

hello world. today i am in lome to do the welcome week orientation stuff for the new group of GEE and NRM volunteers coming in. THAT means i've been in togo for just about a year. right now a few days short of that. how does that feel? it's kind of mixed emotions. on the one hand i think "a year already? that was quick." but then in the same breath (as much breath as there is in a thought), i think "woah. i've been out of america for a long time." as i reflect on my experiences the past twelve months, i become more confident that this is really where i am meant to be at this point in my life, despite the doubts that tend to creep in every now and then. i've met such incredible and diverse people. i've become more in touch with my own strengths and shortcomings as a person. i've been forced to do a lot of self reflection and widen my world view. all sorts of philisophical mumbo jumbo. but the thing is that all those things people say about crazy opportunities like this are so true. but it's not until you experience it for yourself do you ever really internalize what all those words mean. the imagination does great and unique things for us, but there's nothing like real life, first hand experience. so what do i suggest? move to togo and live here for two years. OR just go somewhere different and spend a significant amount of time there. whether that's a few miles away or a few countries away. just go somewhere where you don't feel comfortable. where you have to ask questions so you don't look and feel like an idiot. where you have to push the limits of your patience. get to know people that don't think like you and learn from them. there is ALWAYS something to learn. don't miss the opportunity. and always thank God at the end of the day for it.

i wish i was better at writing and could better describe my life right now. but because i've never been a particularly articulate person (believe it or not...), i would never be able to give it justice. i try though. and right now i'm going to just keep in simple and just share some of the highlights from the past monthish. voila.

Me and alicia did two day camps in both her and my villages with primary school students. lesson learned: i love kids. i don't want to work with them in big numbers, for long periods of time, or in too-organized situations. but i love 'em just the same.

I helped out with a "take our daughters to work week" in which 30 girls from middle and high school came together to learn about work opportunities in togo and different important things like making goals, being nice, staying healthy, making good decisions, all that. i had a great time seeing the girls interact and the visible changes many of them went through. next year my friend danielle and i will be organizing the event, stay tuned, you will be hearing more about this in the upcoming months.

Like i said, i am helping out with this group of newbies, so i spent a few days back in agou to prepare for it. i LOVED getting to see my host family again. it's crazy how quickly those young'uns grow up. the little girl that i remember hanging out on my maman's back was not walking around and smiling at me and everything. next thing i know she's going to be applying for the university. being back in agou for more than a day and with people that i came in with also gave me a nostalgic feeling from the old days when we were just getting used to life here. and it's only been a year, oy.

after my time in agou i spent some time back in mpoti. it was a breakthrough time because i realized how at-home i feel there and how much my relationships have evolved. the things that used to bother me about people around me have almost become endearing. probably because i can more easily make my own frustrations known and draw my boundaries. it's sad how long it has taken me to get to this point. i still have a lot left to work on, but then again, i do still have another year here. the other day tanti was telling me how much she's going to cry when i leave next year. she's been telling me this for the past, maybe six months. i've tried to get it through her head that she's stuck with me for a while longer and the only tears she should be shedding are due to the fact that i need her help around the house so much. particularly now that i have to gas to cook with ... or food. i'm at the mercy of my neighbors for food for a while. i think it'll be a good experience. i like them and they like me. it'll work out.

that's me in a wordy nutshell right now. thanks for your continued thoughts and prayers.

peace and blessings to y'all!

other reasons why i'm still here

i went to the market the other day and spent a good hour or so drinking a few calabashes of tchouk ( you need to come visit me in togo to fully understand to magic that is the tchouk stand) and trying to explain to a few men why i never want to get married or have kids. whether or not that's true is irrelevant. i just thoroughly enjoyed the experience.

there's a little girl who comes by my house to just say hi and hang out from time to time. the other day she came over and we ate corn and painted our nails. it was fantastic.

i got caught in a rain storm while i was riding my bike home from alicia's. have you ever been caught in a rainstorm? you should try it some time.

peer edu-who?

i just got done with my first training in village for peer educators. the basic idea behind this is that you teach a group of whoevers in village a variety of information and hope that they will go out and share it with their peers. i think i mentioned this somewhere before. anyhow, my homologue and i gathered 15 students and one apprentice and went through an intense training the past three days. we covered lots of topics: self-confidence, puberty and adolescence, early pregnancy and abortions, gender equity, how to facilitate a discussion, how to give advice, sexual harrassment and rape, child trafficking, peer pressure, how to speak in front of groups, hiv and aids, and some i'm sure i'm forgetting at the moment. as hard as it was at times, i think it went really well. it helped to have toni, nori, and alicia (bless their souls) come and help me with some sessions. my homologue (bless his soul) means well so he was great to work with for the most part, but there were a few times that he did things that made the whole thing more frustrating. maybe i did the same, i don't know. but that's the price you pay for working with people i guess. i need to keep reminding myself that i cannot expect perfection from people. as perfect as i may be...ahem... i know not everyone works like i do. i also need to remind myself that i'm working with young people who have not been exposed to this information as much as i have and who have a whole different set of challenges they're dealing with, so i have to remain patient and hopeful. i may not see changes now, but these things take time.

this group of peer educators is going to be my main source of work in village and i am praying that it will stay solid. i'm not banking on it being a sustainable project (sustaina-what?) just yet, we'll just take it one meeting at a time.

bridge troubles

there are not many paved roads in togo. if i want to get to lomé from atakpamé (i would suggest maybe looking up a map of togo at this point) , i can either go down the route nationale or take the kpalimé road. well, a couple weeks ago a bridge on the route nationale collapsed. this really sucks for anyone traveling anywhere between atakpamé and lomé. not only is it more expensive now, but the kpalimé road is getting worn down pretty good. let me also say that the kpalimé road was not that great to begin with. we're talking major pot holes. and now with so many cars and big trucks going down it, not to mention it's rainy season, the road is looking a good deal worse than it was before. i haven't had to travel that far south yet, but from the stories i hear, i'm not really looking forward to the trip i'll be making in a couple weeks. reconstruction will come eventually, but they're going to wait until the rainy season ends. we'll see if that's true.

a waragni fete

just a little peace corps togo background before i share this story. there are five regions in togo and within each region volunteers are divided into clusters. i happen to live in what many would consider the best cluster in togo ;) the pagala cluster. one of my fellow clustermates, connor, invited me to a village fete (or party, for all you non frenchies), and this is where the story begins.

i told connor that i would be at his village before 8am since the day's festivities were supposed to start around 7. me being stingy or optimistic, i decided i would bike down. it takes roughly an hour to get to pagala on bike and waragni (connor's village) is about an hour further (just under 45k in total from mpoti). i set my alarm for 5 30 in hopes of heading out around 6. my alarm clock goes off and my first thought is: cancelling this early morning bike ride is only a phone call away. so i snooze. i eventually talk myself out of my laziness and get to waragni just around 8 30.

the vast majority of people in waragni are kabiyé (not sure on the spelling), and around this time of year they have a fete to celebrate young boys who are coming of age (about 18). they hold a series of informal wresting matches through out the day in which the boys will crouch in the middle of a circle of spectators and wait for another boy to come challege them to wrestle. there are several going on at the same time, along with people playing music. barrett (a fellow pcv friend of mine who was also there) and i decided to follow suit and wrestle eachother, which got a good laugh from people watching us. i won of course.

another part of the coming of age deal is having to eat dog. each of the boys taking part of the ceremony either buys or has a dog bought for them and they cook them throughout the day in low to the ground covered paillotes (kind of like a straw hut). we were invited into two different paillotes and were given several peices of dog to eat. i think i need to apologize to several people at this point, but i won't lie, it was pretty tasty. not so much the first time around because a couple peices were not tender at all and (at least one of my peices) still had visible fur on it. but i had already picked the peice up and i couldn't just put it back. i ate it before i could think too much of what i was doing. the second time around, though, the peices were very tender. i'll just leave it at that.

i didn't get to see the dancing part of the fete since i had to get back to mpoti, but all i can say is that i am so glad i got myself out of bed that morning. i didn't have my camera but i'll try to get pictures from barrett and post them as soon as possible.

oh how time flies

i'm on a kind of spontaneous trip down to atakpame for a meeting and thought i would take the opportunity to do some updating since i alwys feel like i have way more to share than i have the time to. so here goes.

i'm almost hitting my year mark in country. weird. i've had definite ups and downs and right now i feel i'm on a high, so it's probably a good time to be updating. they talk about different stages people go through on their service, one being questioning your progress, be it in work or cultural adjustment. i think i was stuck at that stage for a few months and have gotten to the point of accepting a couple things. first of all, i'm never going to come close to fully understanding this culture. so, the kinds of relationships i will be able to build are inevitably going to feel different than relationships i can form with people from a culture closer to my own. that being said, i think the reason why this has been the biggest challenge for me is because i believe that the most genuine and effective change happens through organic relationships. what do you do, then, when you have such a hard time building the kind of relationship you want? i'm still in the process of figuring that out. secondly, i've accepted the fact that i'm always going to be looked at as a foreigner, no matter how long i live here or how hard i try to be well integrated. i'm not sure if it's inevitable or not and i'm not sure whether it's a bad thing or not. my physical appearance and all the connotations of being a non-togolese are the first obstacle in my becoming fully integrated. people make assumptions, there are stereotypes, everyone makes them and acts accordingly. togolese are not the only ones or exempt from it. but there is not a whole lot i can, should, or necessarily want to do to change certain attributes of myself. it's cultural exchange (as frustrating as it can be sometimes) and part of the reason why i'm here in the first place. at my lowest point i was wondering why i'm spending my time and effort in a place where i'm not going to really understand most of the people i have to work and live with and where i'm always going to be looked at and treated as a foreigner. at that point i had to ask myself why i am staying and try to answer as honestly as possible. do my reasons for staying the two years outweigh my reasons for going back to the states? i've decided that they do. having family and friends in the states that i won't see for a while make it both harder and easier to stay. i'm looking forward to being with them again, but i'm fortunate to receive from them incredible support for the work that i'm doing. i also have a great support system here in togo. i don't have kind enough words to describe some of the peace corps volunteers around me and forever grateful for their friendships. despite the cultural barrier, i also recognize the invaluable relationships i've built with some of my togolese brothers and sisters. they're not always easy, but what relationship is? above all, i see how this experience is forming and changing me in ways that only spending two years in togo as a peace corps volunteer could. my worldview has expanded for sure and i've asked questions i might not have otherwise even thought of asking. i may not be changing the world (it's true, i'm not), but at least i'm gaining a new appreciation for it and *hopefully* making little changes that will contribute to the greater cause.

stay tuned ...

it's incredible how quickly time flies when you're online on slow computers with slow connections and funky keyboards. i'm about out of time, so i think i'm going to leave the rest of the updating for another time. but rest assured that all is well and i keep learning something new every day.

african women's day is at the end of the month. holler.

i'll be holding a peer educator training the second week of august. more on that later.

please keep me and the rest of togo in your thoughts and prayers!

peace, love, and blessings to you all.

may: a mourning, observed - ist - visiting the fam in agou - a visit to ghana

early one morning towards the beginning of may, i headed out to the paved road to wait for a car to go to pagala. as i neared my usual waiting spot, i noticed that half of m'poti's population was gathered on the road already. i inquired as to what the purpose of the crowd was and was told that there had been a moto accident the night before. the guy who had been on it was seriously injured or dead, depending on who i talked to. it always sucks to hear about these sort of things happening (you hear about moto accidents all the time), but it always feels worse when you find out the person is someone more closely acquainted than simply some random person in village. this young man turned out to be the husband of one of my neighbors. when i came back home from pagala and saw my neighbor, i immediately knew he had died since she had shaved off all her hair, something i had previously been told people do when a significant other passes. for the next month and a half or so, i observed other behaiors indicative of her mourning a loss. she didn't do any work, she pretty much hung around the house all day. at ever meal she would place a morsal of whatever we would be eating on the ground,along with a peice of meat. she only wore a certain pagne wrapped around her, and went topless on a regular basis. i missed the funeral since i had been gone the week that he died, but when i came back i went with my neighbor to the house of the guy's family to pay my respects. it was a little awkward for me because i didn't know what the proper thing to say to them was, but they seemed to appreciate the visit.

the week i had been gone in pagala had been for my in-serice training. it was a good opportunity to reinforce our goals in our communities and share ideas on how to reach those goals. it was also great to see people from my training group that i don't get to see on a regular basis and hear how their experiences are going and share ideas.

about a week and a half after ist, i went on a short trip that started out with a visit to my host family in agou. it was a great time. it was a little weird to be back in agou after having been on my own for the preious five months, but that was to be expected. my perspective on things changed in that i realized how educated and economically prosperous agou is in relation to a lot of smaller villages i have visited since having lived there, my own village included. it was also good to be able to better communicate with people, as my french speaking abilities had improved since training (though are still very much in progress, even now). and of course everyone was incredibly welcoming and happy to see us (i went with two other friends) back.

after our short visit, we headed to ghana to pick up a visitor from the states and eat some good food. it was a quick trip but lots of fun. accra is beautiful and i hope to go back. due to lack of time and preparedness, i'm going to leave it at that and tell you that y'all should come see it for yourselves. and stop by for a visit in togo while you're around.

a word to the wise. the bible says so.

i can across a proverb in the message version of the bible the other day that i thought worth sharing. being that i am not a morning person, it made complete sense to me.

if you wake your friend in the early morning by shouting "rise and shine!" it will sound to him more like a curse than a blessing.


amen.

love your enemies: not just another cliché

love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into friend.
martin luther king, jr

i think one of the most challenging things christ demands of his followers is to love those who, almost by definition, should be unloveable. it's an oxymoron: love your enemies? in theory; it's a fairly easy thing to do. all you gotta do is say it. go ahead. i love my enemies. some people even go as far as thinking it every once in a while. when it comes down to it, however, its implications seem contrary to every human instinct. or is it just me? and actually, it's implications are terribly difficult to figure out in the first place. does loving your enemies mean wanting to be around them? does it mean giving them things? helping them? not thinking mean things about them? thinking nice things about them? whatever the case, i don't think any of the above is possible without divine intervention and our own willingness to let go of any wrong done to us. forgiveness, i think, is really where it starts. the grudge-free type of forgiveness. the kind that takes more than a sentence and longer than a day. and if it's a vrai enemy we're trying to forgive, it may be a process we have to restart everyday.

in my past, there haven't been many people that i would consider as enemies. whether this is a blessing or not, i'm not sure. maybe it just means that i dislike conflict and do all that i can to avoid it. and that's the thing; in the past, i've been able to avoid major conflict with people that could have become my enemies. by keeping my distance, i not only avoid developing these stressful relationships, it also makes it easier to forgive those who do happen to cross the line. in doing this, however, i'm cheating myself from the opportunity to experience what it really means to love my enemy. that's not to say i am going to make an enemy for the sake of having one to love, this world has a way of producing them without my added effort.

about a month and a half into post, i began to develop a relationship with a neighbor that had some enemy-like qualities to it. the most frustrating part of the whole situation was that this was a person whom i had just barely met, while still adjusting to a completely different cultural context and having a communication barrier to work around. did i mention i don't like conflict? so i tried to deal with it in the same way i have dealt with these kinds of situations in the past-- by avoiding it. turned out this wasn't an option. my next option: draw some boundaries. this was hard for me to do, but with the help and support of other people, i was able to do it. i could have left it at that. deal with the tension and just be glad boundaries were being respected. but taking the command to "love my enemy" seriously asks me to go farther. and so i started to make a conscious effort to minimize negative thoughts in relation to this person. i then tried finding things about them that i appreciate. then i tried doing nice things for them every now and then (anything as simple as saying bonjour), without expecting anything in return. in this case, it looks like the story is going to have a happy ending. in the past month, this neighbor and i have almost gotten to the point of being actual friends. let's just hope things keep moving in that direction.

this was a challenging experience that fortunately took a turn for the better. my efforts were met with a positive reaction which has enabled us to get where we are now. though i didn't go into details, i also want to recognize that the trespasses i experienced were relatively mild compared to some you may have had to deal with in the past or will have to deal with in the future. maybe you feel like your enemy should be the exception to the rule. that jesus couldn't possibly have known they would be capable or doing or saying what they did when he said to love them. no matter how impossible it may seem, i encourage you to at least consider the possibility of beginning the process. you never know, you may end up with one less enemy and one more friend. and god knows friends are a whole lot easier to love than enemies.

what's coming up

I'll be going to Ghana next week! I've heard a lot about Accra and I'm excited to finally get to go see it. I might actually set foot in a mall. It'll be crazy.

I'm also excited about visiting my host family in Agou on the way out. It'll be interesting to be in Agou after having experienced Togo on my own. I'll come back to Togo through Lomé and will do my best to post some pictures then.

Next month is June and camps for apprenices and students are going to start. I wasn't a big camp goer when I was younger, but based on what I hear about these ones, I'm really looking forward to being a counselor at one. I'll be working with girl students.

Please don't forget to keep me in your thoughts and prayers as life moves forward. Peace, love, and blessings to you all!

why christianity is my song

I’ve known about Jesus practically my whole life. I became interested in learning more about him in high school. I considered myself in a relationship with him shortly after I started to show interest, but in retrospect, I don’t think it was until college that I started to take this relationship more seriously. It always seemed like wishful thinking. Like I had an imaginary friend. I was afraid to question the relationship for fear that my bubble would pop. Through my experiences and relationships at Seattle Pacific University, this relationship started to feel more and more real, though not without some significant struggle and questioning. The superficial, sugar-coated relationship I started out with about 6 years ago has matured; being more genuine than it has ever been, still as sweet (though in different ways), and a pain in the ass at times.

My time in Togo has been another significant contributor to the evolution of my faith. I have had the opportunity to engage in very interesting conversations with people I really admire, I have read books that have challenged and supported my views, and I’ve had plenty of time to reflect on all of this. So this is why Christianity is my song: because, by the grace of God, my heart has been opened enough to experience the divine beauty a relationship with Jesus Christ has to offer. In spite of any resistance on my part, in spite of the brokenness of the world, God has been gracious enough to make his or her love available to the most ordinary and most undeserving. And the good news is that God is not confined to religion. Religion is meant to be a sacrament, a means for experiencing the sacred. It is not the sacred itself.

The books I’ve gotten to read have all been incredible, but there are quotes from two that I would like to share. The first is a book titled Loving Jesus.

“The presence of our risen Lord Jesus Christ is not realized in any one individual, but definitely in the fellowship or interaction that takes place between individuals…

It is very important for Christians to be able to think rationally, intellectually, and scientifically about the world in which they live, but it is also very important that such thought processes not destroy their powers of imagination…

The Bible teaches that faith is a gift of God, and so I am not sure that there is anything that we can do to acquire more of it. If God has given you only a little bit of faith then you will be a person of little faith for the rest of your life. Thank God for the faith that you have—and learn how to use it in ways that will draw you closer to God…”

And from The Heart of Christianity…

“Being Christian is not about meeting requirements for a future reward in an afterlife, and not very much about believing. Rather, the Christian life is about a relationship with God that transforms life in the present…

Salvation is about life with God, life in the presence of God, now and forever.

(by Dag Hammarskjold, Swedish Diplomat and Christian mystic)
Give us pure hears that we may see you;
Humble hearts, that we may hear you;
Hearths of love, that we may serve you;
Hearts of faith, that we may abide in you.

(On Turning Ten by Billy Collins)
The whole idea of it makes me feel
like I’m coming down with something,
something worse than any stomach ache
a kind of measles of the spirit,
a mumps of the psyche,
a disfiguring chickenpox of the soul.

You tell me it is too early to be looking back,
but that is because you have forgotten
the perfect simplicity of being one
and the beautiful complexity introduced by two.
But I can lie on my back and remember every digit.
At four I was an Arabian wizard.
I could make myself invisible
by drinking a glass of milk a certain way.
At seven I was a soldier, at nine a prince.

But now I am mostly at the window
watching the late afternoon light.
Back then it never fell so solemnly
against the side of my tree house,
and my bicycle never leaned against the garage
as it does today,
all the dark blue speed drained out of it.

This is the beginning of sadness, I say to myself,
as I walk through the universe in my sneakers.
It is time to say goodbye to my imaginary friends,
time to turn the first big number.

It seems only yesterday I used to believe
there was nothing under my skin but light.
But now when I fall upon the sidewalks of life,
I skin my knees. I bleed.

(Thomas Merton, 20th century monk)
Life is this simple. We are living in a world that is absolutely transparent, and God is shining through it all the time. This is not just a fable or a nice story. It is true. If we abandon ourselves to God and forget ourselves, we see it sometimes, and we see it maybe frequently. God shows himself everywhere, in everything—in people and in things and in nature and in events. It becomes very obvious that God is everywhere and in everything and we cannot be without him. It’s impossible. The only thing is that we don’t see it.

(“This is my Song”—20th century hymn)
This is my Song, O God of all the nations,
A song of peace for lands afar and mine.
This is my home, the country where my heart is;
Here are my hopes, my dreams, my holy shrine;
But other hearts in other lands are beating.
With hopes and dreams as true and high as mine.

My country’s skies are bluer than the ocean
And sunlight beams on cloverleaf and pine;
But other lands have sunlight too and clover
And skies are everywhere as blue as mine.
O hear my song, O God of all the nations,
A song of peace for their land and for mine.”

première mai and a missed marriage ceremony

The first of May is a major holiday here in Togo. It is greatly anticipated and the party the day of definitely beats the parties thrown for any other holiday I've been around to experience. Apparently there was supposed to be a parade and soccer game, but because of the unexpected death of the primary school teacher, those got cancelled. They still had lots of music, dancing, and drinks to go around, though. Thing with parties here is that they tend to extend for at least the next day or two after the actual party day. The same ambiance was around the village on the second and school ended up getting out after a couple hours because only one teacher showed up to school. C'était à cause de la fete, quoi.

The reason for the festivities? It's some kind of worker's appreciation day. Like Labor Day in the States, I guess.

That weekend was another party because a neighbor lady was getting married. In anticipation of the wedding, the bride-to-be was selling a pagne so that all the women could be wearing the same one. I bought some and had it made into an outfit and I was sad to miss the ceremony, especially since I haven't had the opportunity to attend any yet. They were going to start the ceremony in Pagala, then bring her up to Tdjan (about 5K away from me), then finish it up in M'Poti. It would have been interesting to see. I'll just have to wait to hear about it when I get back to village.

some updation

Since my last update I haven’t been able to establish any more of a regular schedule than I had beforehand. It seems like this is going to be the case for the next year and a half. Anyhow here is an update from the last time I was on here.

Teaching life skills at the CEG has not gotten any easier and I am really looking forward for the school year to be over. Fortunately, that’s in about a month. It’s not that I don’t like the students, for the most part I do. It’s that trying to engage them in a discussion about goals or self-esteem, and do it in a way that helps them internalize the concepts, is far from an easy task. I got particularly frustrated in one class when I decided to do a review and asked them to give me a definition of self-esteem. Keep in mind that we spent an entire class period talking about it. Only one person out of two huge classes could give me an accurate definition. They would say, “it’s when you love your husband or wife” or “when you show your friend that you love them” or “when you properly love other people” or “the love that God gives you.” When I have such a hard time keeping their attention and when it appears they are not retaining anything, I feel like the time I spend in preparation for and in the classroom is a waste of time. But then I try to be more optimistic and think that maybe there are people in the classes that are learning something, they just are not vocal about it. And that maybe even the kids that seem to enjoy being obnoxious are unconsciously learning something that they’ll benifit from later on. And that maybe my mere presence in the classroom is making a positive difference. I mean, I do get positive reinforcement by students. They seem to be happy when I get there at the beginning of the class and they are really nice to me outside of class. This is definitely not enough to keep me in the classroom next year. I want to keep working with students but I am only going to do it as an extra-curricular thing, that way the number of students will be limited and the ones that are present will want to be there.

My homologue and I invited the girls from some classes at the primary school and the girls at the CEG to form a soccer team. I bought a soccer ball in Atakpamé a few weeks ago for that purpose. We’ve had one “team practice,” which turned out to be a very informal, do-whatever-you-want soccer game between the girls that showed up. I was going to play but being in the field made me realize just how much I don’t know how to play. I enjoyed watching them play, though. Another reason why the first practice was so hectic was because my homologue, being the sports teacher at the CEG, is going to be the coach. Sadly, a teacher at the primary school died the day before, so my homologue wasn’t there. My hope for the team is that it’ll be more of a girls’ club. I’ll do lifeskills-esque activities and talk about issues concerning girls. We’ll see how that goes.

Some other aspirations for the upcoming months: I want to start the English club I never ended up starting way back when. Me and Alicia (my closest neighbor and health volunteer) will hopefully do vacation camps (maybe in July or August) in my village and in hers with students going from the primary school to the CEG. Another idea I had was forming a health club in both of our villages and holding some kind of competition between them. Kind of Jeopardy style. Since I just had my in-service training last week, I have a lot of other ideas that might work. I know I’ve been saying this for a while now, but I really do feel like I’m getting to a point where things will start coming together.

Kids are the best and worst part of my service. They can uplift my mood in a second but can push my buttons just as quickly. Don’t let their cute pictures fool you. To end on a positive note… I really do love them.

Tanti left for Ghana a couple weeks ago. I’m not sure if she’ll be coming back or not. I did hear from her recently and it sounds like she’s doing well. It’s weird not having her around and I do miss her for the most part, but I think it worked out for the best. I might even see her again before I know it. Things here tend to change unexpectedly all the time. I’ve learned to expect the unexpected… make sense?

I’m starting to get to the point of actually feeling at home at home. I sleep the best in my own bed and when I feel sick, I feel best when I’m on my own couch reading. And I feel cleanest when I take a shower from my own bucket. Something that’s great is that since my space is so small and I don’t have that much stuff, I haven’t lost anything because there’s not much to lose or where to lose it. M’Poti itself is becoming more familiar to me—I can veer from a path and not be afraid of getting lost. It helps that M’Poti is not a very big village. I intend to do a lot more exploring. For a few different reasons, I’m not sure that I’ll ever truly feel like I live live here, but experiencing that level of comfort isn’t necessary for having an incredible experience. So it's alright.

photos posted !

after a long, long time, i was finally able to get some pictures up. i wish i could post all of them but that would take way too long. and i already hogged the computers in the bureau long enough to get these up. anyway, now you can all see things i have only talked about so far. hurray. 

a small request

i was told to forward this on to people in email form but i decided to post it instead. thank you so much in advance to those who decided to contribute.

Dear Family and Friends,

The Girls Bike Tourney began in 2006 with the main objective of raising awareness on the importance of sending girls to school. Each region of Togo, of which there are five, chooses ten girls to participate in a two-day training and a five-day bicycle tourney. The girls are trained on various subjects (HIV/AIDS, teenage pregnancy, forced marriage, child trafficking), they are trained on how to speak in public, how to ride a bicycle (a novelty for most), and how to create and perform educational skits. Armed with knowledge, a bike, and lots of energy, ten girls along with two Togolese homologues and two Peace Corps Volunteers spend the next five days biking and performing at schools, markets and village squares.

The transformation that the girls undergo is quite miraculous. Girls come in barely able to say their name to a group of their peers and leave having presented skits and question and answer sessions in front of hundreds of people. They gain a deeper understanding of major social problems and how to overcome them, self-confidence, and an overall greater desire to succeed. After the five day tourney, the girls return to their respective villages with their new bicycles and are expected to continue training and working with people in their communities.

Peace Corps Partnership enables friends and family of Peace Corps Volunteers to donate to projects that volunteers are trying to complete during their service. Volunteers first submit a grant application to Peace Corps Washington who then puts the project description on the Peace Corps website where interested parties are just a click away from donating.

As a Peace Corps Togo Volunteer, I ask those who are interested in donating to visit: https://www.peacecorps.gov/resources/donors/contribute/projdetail.cfm?projdesc=693-303&region=africa

madame rose et mammy come to the pote

Last Thursday morning Rose, my APCD, and Brownie Lee (called mammy by many people—a generic, respectful name for older people), the national director for Peace Corps in Togo, came chez moi for a post visit. I helped my homologue organize a village gathering the past two weeks to welcome them. Here’s how it went.

Rose and Brownie drove up just past 9 and came to my house where we waited until a group of women came to greet and escort us to the primary school with music and dancing. We sat in our designated seats and Koffi, my homologue, started out by welcoming them and talking about what work Nate had done the previous two years and the kind of work I’ll be continuing. He then gave me the floor, which kind of threw me off because I had thought I was going to give my little speech after the students did their skit. I improvised a little and it worked. Here is the original version of what I was going to say:

Bonjour. D’abord, je veux remercier Madame Rose et Mammy pour nous avoir rendues visite aujourd’hui et pour tout le travail que vous faites au Togo. Soyez les bienvenues à M’Poti. Je veux aussi remercier les élèves pour avoir bien fait le sketch et merci à toute l’assistance pour son attention. Le grand thême du sketch c’était l’équité genre. C’est à dire qu’aujourd’hui on veut parler de l’importance de la promotion de la fille comme le garçon. Selon le sketch, les filles, comme les garçons, ont le pouvoir de réussir à n’import quel travail si la communauté les permet et les supporte. En faisant ça, on va voir le devéloppement de la communauté. Ce devéloppement n’est pas le travail d’une seule personne mais de tout la communauté toute entière. Vous, les gens de M’Poti, sont devenus ma famille et j’espère pouvoir bien travailler avec vous pour l’evolution de notre cité. Ce que je veux demander de vous c’est de me poser des questions, de me donner vos idées, votre bon volunté, enthousiasme, et motivation. Merci beaucoup.

Basic summary in English:

Hey. First of all, I want to say thanks to Rose and Brownie for all the work y’all do in this country. Welcome to the pote. I also want to say muchas gracias to the students for doing a super job on the skit and to everyone else for not falling asleep. So basically the skit is about girl power. Let’s get with the program and support our girls. In the skit, we see that girls can do anything boys can do if you just let them. And if we do this, the community is going to move forward. This work isn’t going to get done by just one person. We gotta work together. Y’all have become my homies and I hope we can work together to make this a better place. All I ask I from you is to ask me questions, give me your ideas, your enthusiasm, and motivation. Holler.

After my standing ovation, the students did an amazing job with the skit and the parole was passed on to Rose. She spoke for about 10 minutes in ewé so I didn’t follow, except for the handful of words I can pick out. She basically reiterated what i'm there for and the importance of encouraging girls to go to school. Then Brownie gave a quick word and we ended with dancing and drinking some tchouktou. We eventually made our way to my house to have lunch and chit chat. They left around 1.

Things had gone so well and I was feeling really good even though I was kinda tired. To keep my momentum going I cleaned my house until my homologue and the students who did the skit showed up to have a congratulations-on-a-job-well-done drink. I got some other things done and by dinner time, a lady I work with from time to time invited me over to eat fufu with her and her kids. I came back home right as it started to rain, got my things all packed up for this week and went to sleep. It was a really good day and a great note to leave village on because I’m looking forward to coming back.

I’m going to try my best to get pictures uploaded while I’m in Lomé the next few days. Stay tuned.

a (non) presidential experience

About a month ago, there was talk about the president of Togo, Faure, coming to Tchifama but it never ended up happening. Then about two weeks ago, people started saying that he was going to come the following week. On Monday of that week, no one was sure whether he was going to come Thursday or Wednesday but they were saying that he was for sure going to come. Tuesday, people still said he was coming but didn’t know when yet. That night, someone went around the village announcing that the president was going to be in Tchifama the next day. So when I woke up on Wednesday, school had been cancelled and people were getting ready to head over to Tchifama in their Sunday’s best. I wasn’t particularly interested in being part of all the hubbub but since I had been planning on going to Alicia’s anyway, I grabbed a car with Tanti and headed over.

When we arrived, there were already a good number of people setting up and just hanging out near the primary school. I was a little overwhelmed when I got to Alicia’s because since she happens to be in the same compound as the chief, I had to walk through people dancing and then a row of other village chiefs all decked out and looking very chief-like. I did my best to respectfully greet them and quickly made my way into Alicia’s house. She was looking schnazy with a new, fabulous full pagne outfit. I felt a little underdressed for the event in my plain white skirt and blue shirt. I was just glad I had decided against riding my bike over and wearing pants and a tshirt that day. Since we didn’t want to stand out in the sun too long, we decided to wait at her house until the president actually got there.

Alas, noon-time came around and one of the chief’s sons informed us that the president wasn’t going to make it after all but that the chiefs had left for Blitta (the prefecture capital) and see him there. He didn’t end up showing up there either. From what I understood, the reason for his absence was due to visitors from Europe having tied him up. I don’t have a strong opinion on the president and political talk aside, I will say I was frustrated with how the whole thing turned out because I 1.) had heard we were going to get cell phone reception with the visit and 2.) there had been a lot of work put in the preparation by a lot of people. In the end, it worked out alright because we ended up getting cell phone reception last week and they had a party at the chief’s house that evening anyway. I ate amazing fufu and had fun with the kids. Good times.

some material blessings

I have acquired some things the past few months that have made me feel more at home and that I really appreciate having: a couch, a desk lamp, and speakers.

Before, my only sitting options were my desk chair or the floor. My couch is not only a more comfortable third option, but it also gives me a place to offer guests when I have them. It also makes the room look more homey, which is nice.

My desk lamp has been an amazing lighting source. I use it when I read or knit in the evening since candlelight isn’t the best to do those by. The only thing is that it goes through batteries kinda quick so I need to limit how much I actually use it. I'm crossing my fingers that M'poti will get electricity soon. Prayers on the matter would be much appreciated.

The speakers I found in Atakpamé randomly and was able to buy them for only 3,000 CFA—just over 6 dollars. They’re not the best speakers ever, but since my house is so small, they get the job done. Having music has helped brighten my mood many times, especially since the music helps me feel a little more connected to home in the States. Six dollars well spent, if you ask me.

all vol and pdm

These events took place at a Peace Corps camp site in Pagala. I didn’t have far to travel but being around so many PCVs at once made me feel far removed from everyday life.

ALL VOL is a two day (optional) gathering of all Togo PCVs with the purpose of talking about PC policy issues, voting in/choosing people into new positions in committees and such, and having a grand ‘ol time while raising money for a scholarship fund for girls. Issues were talked about (how should volunteers be held accountable for spending time at their sites?) people were chosen (I’m on the diversity training committee… meaning I get to hang out with incoming volunteers and talk about diversity related things. My cup of tea.), fun times were had (entertaining, talent filled talent show, music, dancing, and catching up with friends), and money was raised (silent and live auctions, at which I bought: a knitting set, dog treats, a basket full of Christmas things, and a guitar!). I spent more money than I had anticipated spending but everything I bought was worth what I paid of it, plus the money went to the scholarship fund so it was OK.

PDM is a training event to inform us on how to go about doing a funded project in our communities. It was a good opportunity to talk about possible projects and hear from volunteers who have been here longer about projects that have worked or not worked. I got a lot of ideas-- i just need to get out in the community and see what people are actually interested in doing. It was also great to spend the week with volunteers that I love. It was tiring, though, and by the end of the week, I was ready to go back to M’Poti. Especially since I probably got about 15 bug bites while at the camp. I don't get bit very often elsewhere so it was an uncomfortable situation. I ended up back at home after spending a night in Tcharabaou chez Nori and one more night in Pagala chez Toni.

so this is life

Now that I’m into my seventh month into Togo, with four months at post under my belt, you’d think I’d have established some kind of schedule or daily routine. Not exactly. Most days I wake up with a general idea of what I’m going to do but for the most part I take each day hour by hour. This lack of consistency has actually worked pretty well so far—it keeps me on my toes and I’m never actually bored. Sometimes lazy but never bored.

My day normally begins between 6:30 and 7. If I sleep past 7 it’s because I put earplugs in or I went to sleep much later than usual or for some reason someone hasn’t come by to say good morning or any combination of the three. Although I (still) don’t consider myself a morning person, I’m usually in a pretty decent mood when the time comes to rise and shine. I sometimes make breakfast (scrambled eggs or pancakes, when flour and eggs are at hand), sometimes I eat leftovers from the night before, sometimes Tanti brings over food, or sometimes I get right to cleaning. On light cleaning days I at least sweep both rooms and wash any dishes that need to be washed and tidy around. Two to three times a week I do laundry and sweep extra meticulously and tidy certain areas I tend to neglect. If it’s Monday or Wednesday, my cleaning is broken up by my going to school for French tutoring (tues, wed) and/or teaching class (mon, wed). I’m normally done with all that by noon or 1 and from then on a variety of possible activities ensue:
reading (I’ve read more books the past tree months than I have then past three years), fetching water with Tanti (although now that the rain has started this doesn’t happen as often), cooking (my favorite dish I’ve made so far: a killer peanut sauce I half followed a recipe for, half made up), going to say hi to people around village (should do this more often), enjoying a nice bucket shower, writing to people, helping the neighbors make gari (ground up manioc that’s made grainy by cooking it over fire… it has absolutely no nutritional value but I love adding it to a lot of different dishes), having a dance party, hanging out with kids, going to the marché if it’s Tuesday, and recently, I’ve started to knit again and try to learn to play the guitar—both thanks to purchases I made at a recent PCV event.

Every other week or so I’ve tried to visit Alicia in Tchifama (about 7K away) on Wednesdays (her marché day) and usually end up staying the night. We have a good time together and her company has probably helped my sanity level more normal than it might have otherwise been at times. Not to mention I absolutely love her family in Tchifama. She lives with the chief and two of his four wives and 19 kids. Love them all. I haven’t spent very many full weekends in M’Poti – I’ll either go to Pagala (25K) or Atakpamé (about 100K) to pick up mail, buy things I can’t get in M’Poti (pretty much anything other than tomatoes, onions, and garlic), check email, and spend some quality time with my much loved clustermates and other fabulous PCVs.

This regularly inconsistent schedule was interrupted a few weeks ago by the ending of the schools’ second trimester, a week of Peace Corps events, a visit by my APCD and National Director, and now a week of voyaging. This break came at a good time has given me a different outlook on village life. Things are looking up!

stop trying to save africa

Here is an article I read in a Peace Corps newletter that I thought was worth posting. I have mixed thoughts on the point of view presented, but I won't post those right now.
Here it is:

Stop Trying to Save Africa
by Uzodinma Iweala (author of " Beasts of No Nation, " a novel about child soldiers)

Last fall, shortly after I returned from Nigeria, I was accosted by a perky blond college student whose blue eyes seemed to match the " African " beads around her wrists.

" Save Darfur ! " she shouted from behind a table covered with pamphlets urging to TAKE ACTION NOW ! STOP GENODICE IN DARFUR !

My aversion to college kids jumping onto fashionable social causes nearly caused me to walk on, but her next shout stopped me.

" Don’t you want to help us save Africa ? " she yelled.

It seems that these days, wracked by guilt at the humanitarian crisis it has created in the Middle East, the West has turned to Africa for redemption. Idealistic college students, celebrities such as Bob Geldof and politicians such as Tony Blair have all made bringing light to the dark continent their mission. They fly in for internships and fact-finding missions or to pick out children to adopt in much the same way my friends and I in New York take the subway to the pound to adopt stray dogs.

This is the West’s new image of itself : a sexy, politically active generation whose preferred means of spreading the word are magazine spreads with celebrities pictured in the foreground, forlorn Africans in the back. Never mind that the stars sent to bring succor to the natives often are, willingly, as emaciated as those they want to help.

Perhaps most interesting is the language used to describe the Africa being saved. For example, the Keep a Child Alive/ " I am African " ad campaign features portraits of primarily white, Western celebrities with painted " tribal markings " on their faces above " I AM AFRICAN " in bold letters. Below, smaller print says, " help us stop the dying. "

Such campaigns, however well intentioned, promote the stereotype of Africa as a black hold of disease and death. News reports constantly focus on the continent’s corrupt leaders, warlords, " trival " conflicts, child laborers, and women disfigured by abuse and genital mutilation. These descriptionsrun under headlines like " Can Bono Save Africa ? " or " Will Brangelina Save Africa ? " The relationship between the West and Africa is no longer based on openly racist beliefs, but such articles are reminiscent of reports from the heyday of European colonialism, when missionaries were sent to Africa to introduce us to education, Jesus Christ and " civilization. "

There is no African, myself included, who does not appreciate the help of the wider world, but we do question whether aid is genuine or given in the spirit of affirming one’s cultural superiority. My mood is dampened every time I attend a benefit whose host runs through a litany of African disasters before presenting a (usually) wealthy, white person, who often proceeds to list the things he or she has done for the poor, starving Africans. Every time a well-meaning college student speaks of villagers dancing because they were so grateful for her help, I cringe. Every time a Hollywood director shoots a film about Africa that features a Western protagonist, I shake my head—because Africans, real people though we may be, are used as props in the West’s prominent role in creating many of the unfortunate situations on the continent, they also ignore the incredible work Africans have done and continue to do to fix those problems.

Why do the media frequently refer to African countries as having been " granted independence from their colonial masters, " as opposed to having fought and shed blood for their freedom ? Why do Angelina Jolie and Bono receive overwhelming attention for their work in Africa while Nwankwo Kanu or Dikembe Mutombo, Africans both, are hardly ever mentioned ? How is it that a former mid-level U.S. diplomat receives more attentionfor his cowboy antics in Sudan than do the numerous African Union countries that have sent food and troops and spent countless hours trying to negotiate a settlement among all parties in that crisis ?

Two years ago I worked in a camp for internally displaced people in Nigeria, survivors of an uprising that killed about 1,000 people and displaced 200,000. True to form, the Western media reported on the violence but not on the humanitarian work the state and local governments—without much international help—did for the survivors. Social workers spent their time and in many cases their own salaries to care for their compatriots. These are the people saving Africa, and others like them across the continent get no credit for their work.

Last month the Group of Eight industrialized nations and a host of celebrities met in Germany to discuss, among other things, how to save Africa. Before the next such summit, I hope people will realize Arica doesn’t want to be saved. Africa wants the world to acknowledge that through fair partnerships with other members of the global community, we ourselves are capable of unprecedented growth.

working hard… ou bien ?

With a few CEG classes taught, community meetings had, and some developing potential ideas, I feel like I am starting to get into a good rhythm of formal work. And I mean that in the most optimistic way possible. About class. As I previously mentioned, I am going to be teaching two classes, about the equivalent of sixth and seventh grade, on lifeskills. So far we’ve talked about relationships in general, more specificially about characteristics of a good friend and peer pressure, and about managing emotions. Let’s just say that it’s been a good learning experience, hopefully for them but most definitely for me.

The sixième class is the first class in CEG, so generally the kids are younger, which means their French is about as good as mine. This makes it hard to communicate well since they’re trying to understand a non-native language coming from a non-native speaker. Not to mention the fact that these are relatively abstract subjects coming at them in an informal and unfamiliar way. The predominent (I want to say almost exclusive) teaching method used is lecture and memorization. I try to be conscious of this when I plan my lessons, but I also want to make it as participatory and interesting as possible while still maintaining order, which has proved to be a challenge for a number of reasons. Between the two classes, cinquième has been the harder of the two, because of some particular personalities plus the number (76 !) of students in the class. The nice thing about this class is that since they are one more year into CEG, their French level is better which makes it easier to communicate. Another nice thing about cinquième is there are a few students I know fairly well outside of class. I’ll leave this CEG, lifeskills class thing on a positive note. Moving on.

I’ve had three meetings with people from the same quartier and I would say they’ve gone pretty well, all things considered. They’ve been short, somewhat organized, and to the point. My purpose in holding the meetings in the first place (after some abiguity on my part) was to get an idea of what they believe and the community’s needs and see what kind of work can be done to meet, or address, those needs. I’ve learned how difficult it is to facilitate this kind of conversation and come up with concrete, feasible ideas. At this point I need to get myself better organized and better at discerning actual needs versus nonpressing desires. I hope the community will be serious about getting organized with me and honest about their needs. Please pray that this be the case.

My developing ideas are, well, developing, so I’ll share those as they progress. That’s that.

Doing everyday life has been a challenge in itself, but how does the saying go? What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, right? Well, I'm still alive and hopefully stronger than I was before I started.

recommended reading

I just finished reading The Poinsonwood Bible, which I want to take a moment and highly recommend. The novel is " a story told by the wife and four daughters of Nathan Price, a fierce, evangelical Baptist who takes his family and mission to the Belgian Congo in 1959. They carry with them everything they believe they will need from home, but soon find that all of it—from garden seeds to Scripture—is calamitously transformed on Afrcian soil. What follows is a suspenseful epic of one family’s tragic undoing and remarkable reconstruction over the corse o thress decades in postcolonial Africa… " Barbara Kingsolver is an amazing writer and reading this novel at this point in my life was incredible because I could relate to a good deal of the experiences described in more than one way. There are so many quotes from the book that stood out to me, but I’ll just share one passage and leave the rest of the book to your own reading.

" Think of all the duties that were perfectly obvious to Paul or Mathew in that old Arabian desert that are pure nonesense to us now. All that oot washing, for example. Was it really for God’s glory, or just to keep the sand out of the house ?…Oh, and the camel. Was it a camel that could pass trhough the eye of the needle more easily than a rich man ? Or a coarse peice of yarn ? The Hebrew words are the same, but which one did they mean ? If it’s a camel, the rich man might as well not even try. But if it’s the yarn, he might well succeed with a lot of effort, you see ?… When I want to take God at his word exactly, I take a peep out the window at His Creation. Because that, darling, He makes fresh for us everyday, with out a lot of dublous middle managers. "

I just finished (almost all in one very lazy day) Nickel and Dimed, a journalists’ experience trying to get by in the poor working class in America, definitely worth reading. I wish so many of the people that I talk to here that think everyone in the US is rich and they would be too if they were able to get over there could read it also.

Just today I picked up (or got handed, actually) Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk. I’ve heard good things about the book and thought the change in genre might be good. I’ll hopefully get through it this weekend and start on Blink—content and evaluation TBA.

things said by other people I have recently come across that i thought were interesting

" Life in the Peace Corps will not be easy. There will be no salary and allowances will be at a level sufficient only to maintain health and meet basic needs. Men and women will be expected to work and live alongside the nationals of the country in which they are stationed – doing the same work, eating the same food, talking the same language.
But if the life will not be easy, it will be rich and satisfying. For every young American who participates in the Peace Corps—who works in a foreign land—will know that he or she is sharing in the great common task o bringing to man that decent way of life which is the foundation of freedom and a condition of peace. "
-John F. Kennedy offering an inspirational (though a bit rosy) description of what the Peace Corps is about. Whether or not this is accurate varies from program to program and volunteer to volunteer.


" Peace Corps training is like no other training in the world, having something in common with college life, officer’s training, Marine basic training, and a ninety day jail sentence. "
-Mortiz Thomsen from his book Living Poor on PC training. Very true in an exaggerated king of way. Although, I feel this is a better description of what life as a student in the CEG is like.


" Education is the most powerful weapon you can use to change the world. It is also a weapon that the world cannot do without in the fight against AIDS. Education saves lives. "
-Nelson Mandela on why education is a weapon. I don’t like weapons, but I want to help save lives. Couldn’t he just have called it a tool?


" Question : In what sense do you think that outside help is useful ?
Answer : We need outside help for analysis and understanding of our situation and experience, but not or telling us what we should do. An outsider who comes with ready-made solutions and advice is worse than useless. He must first understand rom us what our questions are, and help us articulate the questions better, and then help us find solutions. Outsiders also have to change. He alone is friend who helps us to think about our problems on our own. "
-From a diologue with activists of the Bhoomi Seng Movement in India. I like this grassroots approach, but it’s a lot more difficult in practice than most people probably realize. Lots of patience required.

i was thinking the other day…

there are certain phobias that probably don’t exist in Togo : germaphobia, agoraphobia, claustrophobia, or any fear related to bugs, spiders, kids, or being on time. Fortunately for me, my phobia level in all of these are very low to non-existent.

why, hello there.

I’ve now been in village for over a month and things are looking up. I’m getting to know people, people are getting to know me, and there always seems to be something to do. With all the Chrismas and New Years parties going on (which mostly consisted of lots of music and lots of fufu. Happy New Year !), I’ve only just started to do more formal type work and I’m hoping to expand that in the upcoming weeks.
About a week and a half ago, I had a meeting with people from one of the quartiers (or neighborhoods) and that was … a good learning experience. I wasn’t entirely sure what we were supposed to be talking about or what my counterpart (Koffi) expected to accomplish, so when it was time to start the meeting and he told me I had the floor, I did my best to keep it as general as possible and ask questions to spur discussion. The goal of the meeting ended up being to decide when would be a good time to meet again, but since there was another quartier meeting going on at the same time, they thought there was an underrepresentation of voices. SO they decided we should meet the next week at the same time to further the discussion. That eneded up being last Wednesday and everyone, including my counterpart, forgot about the meeting, so it’s postponed until next week. Lesson learned : verify with people the day before a meeting to make sure it’s still on.
Last Monday I was supposed to start teaching in the CEG, but the school director wasn’t there, so for reasons I didn’t quite understand, Koffi said I should wait until Wednesday. I did and Wednesday came around and the director was still gone, but this time Koffi said that I could go teach if I wanted. So I did. It went ok. My idea was to just introduce myself, try to get the students’ names, and go over what we would be doing for the rest of the year, which is more or less what ended up happening. The plan is that I’ll be teaching Life Skills (good communication, healthy relationships, how to make good decisions, share health/HIV/AIDS information, etc) on Monday to sixième students and on Wednesday to cinquième students (roughly the equivalent of 6th and 8th grade). The English teacher and I also went around to all the CEG classes and said we would be starting an English club next week. I’m not really sure what we’ll be doing in it specificially (should I be worried that this tends to be the case in a lot of situations ?…), but I figure I’ve got a good enough grasp on the English language to be able to figure something out.
The work I’m doing is to promote young girls’ education and empowerment, but that doesn’t mean that I’m only going to be working with young girls. This is the work of the whole community and there are numberous approaches I can take, which, I’ve been told, is both the greatest strength and weakness of the program. I’m looking forward to seeing what my work ends up looking like.