i can across a proverb in the message version of the bible the other day that i thought worth sharing. being that i am not a morning person, it made complete sense to me.
if you wake your friend in the early morning by shouting "rise and shine!" it will sound to him more like a curse than a blessing.
amen.
Friday, June 6, 2008
love your enemies: not just another cliché
love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into friend.
martin luther king, jr
i think one of the most challenging things christ demands of his followers is to love those who, almost by definition, should be unloveable. it's an oxymoron: love your enemies? in theory; it's a fairly easy thing to do. all you gotta do is say it. go ahead. i love my enemies. some people even go as far as thinking it every once in a while. when it comes down to it, however, its implications seem contrary to every human instinct. or is it just me? and actually, it's implications are terribly difficult to figure out in the first place. does loving your enemies mean wanting to be around them? does it mean giving them things? helping them? not thinking mean things about them? thinking nice things about them? whatever the case, i don't think any of the above is possible without divine intervention and our own willingness to let go of any wrong done to us. forgiveness, i think, is really where it starts. the grudge-free type of forgiveness. the kind that takes more than a sentence and longer than a day. and if it's a vrai enemy we're trying to forgive, it may be a process we have to restart everyday.
in my past, there haven't been many people that i would consider as enemies. whether this is a blessing or not, i'm not sure. maybe it just means that i dislike conflict and do all that i can to avoid it. and that's the thing; in the past, i've been able to avoid major conflict with people that could have become my enemies. by keeping my distance, i not only avoid developing these stressful relationships, it also makes it easier to forgive those who do happen to cross the line. in doing this, however, i'm cheating myself from the opportunity to experience what it really means to love my enemy. that's not to say i am going to make an enemy for the sake of having one to love, this world has a way of producing them without my added effort.
about a month and a half into post, i began to develop a relationship with a neighbor that had some enemy-like qualities to it. the most frustrating part of the whole situation was that this was a person whom i had just barely met, while still adjusting to a completely different cultural context and having a communication barrier to work around. did i mention i don't like conflict? so i tried to deal with it in the same way i have dealt with these kinds of situations in the past-- by avoiding it. turned out this wasn't an option. my next option: draw some boundaries. this was hard for me to do, but with the help and support of other people, i was able to do it. i could have left it at that. deal with the tension and just be glad boundaries were being respected. but taking the command to "love my enemy" seriously asks me to go farther. and so i started to make a conscious effort to minimize negative thoughts in relation to this person. i then tried finding things about them that i appreciate. then i tried doing nice things for them every now and then (anything as simple as saying bonjour), without expecting anything in return. in this case, it looks like the story is going to have a happy ending. in the past month, this neighbor and i have almost gotten to the point of being actual friends. let's just hope things keep moving in that direction.
this was a challenging experience that fortunately took a turn for the better. my efforts were met with a positive reaction which has enabled us to get where we are now. though i didn't go into details, i also want to recognize that the trespasses i experienced were relatively mild compared to some you may have had to deal with in the past or will have to deal with in the future. maybe you feel like your enemy should be the exception to the rule. that jesus couldn't possibly have known they would be capable or doing or saying what they did when he said to love them. no matter how impossible it may seem, i encourage you to at least consider the possibility of beginning the process. you never know, you may end up with one less enemy and one more friend. and god knows friends are a whole lot easier to love than enemies.
martin luther king, jr
i think one of the most challenging things christ demands of his followers is to love those who, almost by definition, should be unloveable. it's an oxymoron: love your enemies? in theory; it's a fairly easy thing to do. all you gotta do is say it. go ahead. i love my enemies. some people even go as far as thinking it every once in a while. when it comes down to it, however, its implications seem contrary to every human instinct. or is it just me? and actually, it's implications are terribly difficult to figure out in the first place. does loving your enemies mean wanting to be around them? does it mean giving them things? helping them? not thinking mean things about them? thinking nice things about them? whatever the case, i don't think any of the above is possible without divine intervention and our own willingness to let go of any wrong done to us. forgiveness, i think, is really where it starts. the grudge-free type of forgiveness. the kind that takes more than a sentence and longer than a day. and if it's a vrai enemy we're trying to forgive, it may be a process we have to restart everyday.
in my past, there haven't been many people that i would consider as enemies. whether this is a blessing or not, i'm not sure. maybe it just means that i dislike conflict and do all that i can to avoid it. and that's the thing; in the past, i've been able to avoid major conflict with people that could have become my enemies. by keeping my distance, i not only avoid developing these stressful relationships, it also makes it easier to forgive those who do happen to cross the line. in doing this, however, i'm cheating myself from the opportunity to experience what it really means to love my enemy. that's not to say i am going to make an enemy for the sake of having one to love, this world has a way of producing them without my added effort.
about a month and a half into post, i began to develop a relationship with a neighbor that had some enemy-like qualities to it. the most frustrating part of the whole situation was that this was a person whom i had just barely met, while still adjusting to a completely different cultural context and having a communication barrier to work around. did i mention i don't like conflict? so i tried to deal with it in the same way i have dealt with these kinds of situations in the past-- by avoiding it. turned out this wasn't an option. my next option: draw some boundaries. this was hard for me to do, but with the help and support of other people, i was able to do it. i could have left it at that. deal with the tension and just be glad boundaries were being respected. but taking the command to "love my enemy" seriously asks me to go farther. and so i started to make a conscious effort to minimize negative thoughts in relation to this person. i then tried finding things about them that i appreciate. then i tried doing nice things for them every now and then (anything as simple as saying bonjour), without expecting anything in return. in this case, it looks like the story is going to have a happy ending. in the past month, this neighbor and i have almost gotten to the point of being actual friends. let's just hope things keep moving in that direction.
this was a challenging experience that fortunately took a turn for the better. my efforts were met with a positive reaction which has enabled us to get where we are now. though i didn't go into details, i also want to recognize that the trespasses i experienced were relatively mild compared to some you may have had to deal with in the past or will have to deal with in the future. maybe you feel like your enemy should be the exception to the rule. that jesus couldn't possibly have known they would be capable or doing or saying what they did when he said to love them. no matter how impossible it may seem, i encourage you to at least consider the possibility of beginning the process. you never know, you may end up with one less enemy and one more friend. and god knows friends are a whole lot easier to love than enemies.
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